5.7.08

CLARABELLE Chapter One

HELLO...
This is Clarabelle Chapter 1, but I updated it to make the writing more MINE and not Stephenie Meyer's. Let me know if you like it! Don't be afraid to post a comment!

Gwen sat in her scarred desk, laboriously scrawling math problems across her notebook. She scowled at the taunting pages of her textbook, bright and perky, cheerfully promising at least two hours of homework tonight. She sighed, and put down her pencil, feeling like she was dropping a lead brick. Gwen’s brown eyes glanced at the clock on the back wall, its steady tick-tock and scratching pencils the only sound in the dreary classroom. Suddenly there was a quick knock on the door, and the bored seventh-grade class looked up hopefully, praying for any distraction. Their teacher, Mrs. Stanette, got up from her cluttered desk and opened the door. The principal stepped in.
“Hello, class, hope I’m not interrupting anything,” she chirped. “The new student you were expecting has arrived early! And here she is!” She beamed like she presented them a million dollars, then stepped aside, and a tall, slender girl glided in the doorway.
The class gaped at her. Not only was this mystery student a math distraction, but she was…well, different. Gwen stared like the rest, but the girl didn’t seem to be uncomfortable by the many eyes fixed on her. She pressed her lips together and gave a tight-lipped smile. She tossed her hair over her shoulder, and Gwen sighed in envy. Her waist-length hair hung shimmering in streaks of chestnut and black, so much more beautiful then Gwen’s plain, witchy black hair. But her hair contrasted with her skin, unlike Gwen’s, whose dark hair went well with her coffee-toned skin. No, this new girl’s dark hair was much unlike her bone-white complexion. Her glittering violet eyes, too, were very different. The girl stood coolly in front of the dumbstruck class. “Hello,” She said, seemingly without much interest. “My name is Clarabelle.”
The teacher greeted her warmly. “Hi, Clarabelle,” she gushed. “We are SO happy to have you here today! We even have a desk ready! It’s back there, by the girl with black hair. Her name’s Gwen.” She pointed to Gwen, who gave her a tight smile and a tiny wave. Clarabelle’s strange eyes switched from Mrs. Stanette to Gwen quicker than a hummingbird’s wings. Her eyes penetrated Gwen like she was trying to see through her. Gwen flushed and looked down quickly and pretended to work on math.
Gwen scribbled in a few answers, but stopped on number six. She tried to bully her brain into thinking. “Hi,” Came a low, hypnotic voice. Gwen jumped and twisted to look at the seat next to her. She hadn’t heard Clarabelle walk over or sit in her new desk. She must have a remarkably soft step. “Oh, h-h-hi,” Gwen stuttered. Clarabelle’s light eyes traveled over to Gwen’s messy workbook.
“The answer is 732.12,” She whispered. Gwen glanced down at her book and scratched in the row of numbers.
“Uh, thanks,” She said tentatively. “Um, how did you know that so quickly?”
“Oh, I know math,” Clarabelle said, lips curling into a smirk. She flashed her gleaming teeth at Gwen in a brief grin.
Gwen shivered. She wasn’t sure she liked this girl. She was…intimidating, somehow. Those slightly pointy eyeteeth, or perhaps that low, intense voice, or those cold eyes.

4 comments:

wannabewriter said...

really good!
just one thing...
it sounds a bit too much like Twilight. Maybe you could change it up a bit, maybe have her skin be tinted differently depending on her thirst, instead of her eyes. Or maybe you could bring her beauty down a notch.

but other than that, it's written out really well! keep going! I want to read more!

jckandy said...

yeah, I guess so. I'm just so obsessed, it's hard to make it different! LOL! Yeah, I'm thinking her skin gets paler as she get's thirstier, or her fangs grow as she gets thirstier or something. But then, I'm not sure: wouldn't all vamps look the same?
********
Well guess not. But thanks for that! Don't wanna be a copycat!

wannabewriter said...

I know exactly what you mean! I'm trying so hard to make my character Nicole not do things that Bella would do! It's not easy!

Jehsyka said...

I see...all wanna-be authors suffer after reading Twilight, but hey, it's an amazing book. It's pretty hard to match up to Stephanie Myer's expert standards.
Anyway, your story is reminds me a bit too much of Twilight so far, but I've only read chapter one so what do I know?
Your writing skills are incredible! You describe things so awesomely and craft your words all perfectly and...ya, it's wicked!