A Life-Changing Experience Before 7 AM

A life-changing experience before seven o'clock in the morning is not quite as enlightening as you think it is. Really. It is not.

My iPod alarm gently shuddered with a harp sound. The strumming of a harp is melodious and lovely--once. It just repeated and repeated until I had to, like, get up and shut it off. Six am. NOT FUN.

I threw on some sweatpants and grabbed a stick of gum to qualify as breakfast AND brushing my teeth. I adjusted my sleeping-ponytail (which makes it sound more high-tech than it really is: it's just a wad on top of my head), splashed water on my face, missed and grabbed a bunny hug to cover my wet T-shirt, then went upstairs. My mommy drove me to school.

The school custodian was there, surprisingly early, and let me in. My buddy Konnor was in the Home Ec room already, waiting. I dumped my stuff in my locker so I won't have to later and we waited for everyone else.

They arrived. Then we got out the turkeys.



Those gross, frozen birds are not that pinkish-beige raw-skin color. They're DISCOLORED, white and pink and blue like a bruise. And they're really, really cold. Washing them in cold water, as well, is FREEZING. But we're all from Saskatchewan, so we're used to it. Ha.

We had to REACH IN (Mrs. Edwards says it's the stomach, but...) and pull out its guts. A lot of interesting, purplish-dark red shapes came out. We had to rinse it off and pat it dry, inside and out (inside, you can feel the pattern of its ribcage. UCK.) and put it in the pan and slide it in the oven. Then we scrubbed. For a long time.

We are roasting the turkeys today, so the whole high school will smell glorious!

The things I do for the SRC.

Our Christmas dinner is on Tuesday, our last day of school before Christmas holidays. That day, we also have Formal Day (so everyone's pretty) Santa Pictures (with our IA teacher) and the hypnotist (!). I saw a hypnotist last year, and it was HILARIOUS. And a little creepy, and excellent. This year the hypnotist calls volunteers up by class, so since I'm a freshie, I probably won't be hypnotized this year. But I love to watch!

Anyways, now I know how to gut a turkey. I can use this skill forever. But you know what?

I think I'm actually a vegetarian.


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